By Laura Sneade
* names have been changed by request of the victims
Three years ago, Heather* remembers how hard it was to leave behind her family and friends. She remembers having to face the fact that she was once again a freshman. She remembers wanting so badly to be well-liked. But there is one thing that Heather does not remember at all - the night she was raped by two freshman males in a room full of people.
It was the second week of school, and to most freshman girls at Boston College, it was a time to meet friends, go to parties and have as much fun as possible before the homework began to accumulate. Heather says she didn't think twice before she ventured down the hall to hang out with a freshman guy she had just met. When he didn't answer the door, she also didn't think it was strange to go to the party across the hall. Heather entered the small dorm room willingly, and then she started doing shots of vodka until she was "wrecked," until she was passing in and out of consciousness, until she was completely oblivious to what these new friends of hers were capable of doing.
To many college freshmen, Heather's story is far too familiar, and history is unfortunately repeating itself. According to a 1989 article featured in Good Housekeeping , "Freshmen girls, eager to appear sophisticated, are particularly vulnerable targets for date rape. When it does happen, it is easy for the victim to feel that it was somehow her fault. Humiliated and ashamed, many young women want only to shove the memory of what happened into the farthest corner of their minds."
Heather wanted to do exactly that. She wanted to put it all behind her. She was miserable for days and had met with a counselor. She filed a report, but did not press formal charges. Her file would only be referred to if anyone else reported these same men. "I didn't want to cause a big scene," Heather said. "It was so horrible. I just wanted it to end."
Everyone was talking about it, Heather sadly recalls. The tragic event was said to be true, and Heather was whispered about and called names. Though one of the males who had sex with her that night had the nerve to approach her months later to tell her, "You were wasted. We did not have sex with you," Heather is still certain the rumors are true.
"If I was so wasted, I don't know how much to believe," she said. "Why would I trust someone who would even fool around with a girl who was so drunk? Everyone's definitely confirmed it. I really think those guys are proud of it, almost."
College date rape statistics are horrifying. In 1985, Mary Koss, a researcher at the University of Arizona, conducted the largest study of date rape on college campuses. Koss surveyed 32 campuses for Ms. magazine, and estimated that one in six college women become victims of rape or attempted rape - that statistic has since increased to one in four. Koss found that most rapes occurred on campus, 84 percent of the women knew their assailants, but only 27 percent realized that their sexual assault fell within the legal definition of rape. Sixteen percent said they thought what happened to them was a crime, 11 percent did not feel a crime was committed and 46 percent believed they had been victims of "serious miscommunication" rather than rape.
One in 12 college men responding to the same survey admitted committing acts that met the legal definition of rape or attempted rape, but only 1 percent of those men saw their behavior as criminal. Koss proved that sexual violence has now surpassed theft as the number one security concern at US universities.
Yet, police sources estimate that only 20 to 30 percent of all rapes are reported. Valerie was not among this 20 to 30 percent. She never told the authorities how she ended up leaving a University of Richmond off-campus fraternity party in tears. She never mentioned how a boy she knew from class forced her onto a mattress, ripped her tights to shreds and penetrated her without permission.
"He kept trying to make me feel special and he didn't even know me," Valerie said. "He was all over me, kissing me, and it was apparently obvious because one of his fraternity brothers asked if we wanted a room to hang out in. I thought it was another room with more people in it. Not only was I drunk, I was a stupid idiot freshman."
The room was empty and pitch-black. Valerie remembers it being messy because as soon as she walked in, she tripped and fell onto a mattress. She was only able to hear the sound of the male she thought she knew shutting and locking the door behind him.
"He jumped on me and started to unbutton my shirt, and I just kept trying to button it back up," Valerie said. "He then stood above me holding a condom. I said I didn't need it meaning we were not going to have sex. I think he took it as if I just didn't want safe sex."
At this point, Valerie thought the person she was with was completely insane. "If I wasn't going to kiss this guy, obviously I wasn't going to have sex with him. It's almost as if he expected to have sex and thought it was normal, unless he was the sort of person who makes girls have sex."
He then took off all of his clothes while Valerie frantically searched for her student identification card. "He got on top of me, lifted up my skirt and kept tugging at my tights," she said. "I kept trying to pull my tights back up and still trying to be nice, but all the time saying 'no, no, no.'
"Then he basically had sex with me. He was inside me for a second, but I managed to push him off and ended up kneeling next to him. He grabbed me again, held me on top of him and said 'wrap your legs around me.' I tried to pull my tights up again and ran to the door.
He just sat there, jerked off and came all over the floor." Valerie left that room crying, totally hysterical, but no one really did anything. She thought her friends had left her because that is what he told her, and her first instinct was to call another friend to pick her up at the party. As she waited for the ride, he followed her and offered her another beer. "He saw nothing wrong with what he had done," she said. "He kept saying, 'Don't be upset,' 'We didn't do anything,' and 'Boy, am I going to feel like a jerk in English class.'"
Valerie couldn't get out of bed the next day. She had heard that the normal reaction to such an event would be to take a shower, but the last thing Valerie wanted to do was take off her clothes.
To this day, Valerie avoids this guy, who still attends the University of Richmond. "I see him all the time, and I feel bad for the girls he meets," she said. "I've always wondered if he was drunk.
I hope he was. I hope he wouldn't do that sober. I don't even know if he thought it was rape. It wasn't full-fledged sex, so it wasn't all-out rape, but I definitely did not want it. I was fighting the whole way."
Was Valerie raped? The Federal Bureau of Investigation defines rape as "carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her consent." Dr. Andrea Parrot of Cornell's Department of Human Service Studies writes, "Any sexual intercourse without mutual desire is a form of rape." Valerie did not give permission, and the only desire she had was to get away. The answer to whether or not she was raped is yes.
The entire University of Richmond student body goes to Nags Head, N.C., every May. Finals are finally finished, the sun is shining and paradise is only a three hour drive away. Yet, to Jill, Nags Head was anything but paradise.
Jill and two friends stayed in a hotel for the week. One night they were drinking in the room. "I was very drunk," Jill remembers. "I couldn't stop falling all over the place." The girls then went to some parties, but somehow Jill got separated from her friends. Drunk and ready to pass out, Jill went back to the hotel with friends, said goodnight, and proceeded to vomit before climbing into bed. By the time her two friends had come home with two males they knew from school, Jill was getting ready to go to sleep. One of the males, whom Jill had never met before, sandwiched himself between Jill and her friend in the double bed. He began kissing Jill without ever introducing himself. She kissed him back, thinking nothing of it.
Jill had no idea how her clothes were taken off. "He just got on top of me and we started having sex," she said. "I just laid there completely still. In my head I was thinking, 'What is happening? I don't want to do this. He doesn't even have a condom on to my knowledge.' I didn't move at all. I don't even know why he continued." Jill does not know if he stopped and started throughout the night. She kept passing in and out only to wake up with it still happening.
"I don't even know if I can call it rape," Jill said. "I was definitely taken advantage of. I never would have done it sober, but it's hard to call it rape because I was too drunk to say no."
But is this rape? Like 55 percent of the women who fall victim to rape attempts and 75 percent of their attackers, Jill had been drinking before the rape occurred. Many people may believe that a woman under the influence of alcohol is somehow more responsible for her behavior than a drunken man is for the way he may use her. Because the legal definition of rape turns on the notion of consent, any sexual contact with a woman too drunk to be capable of giving permission is technically a crime. Jill was drunk, too drunk to resist or clearly say no. There was no consent, thus no question. Jill was raped.
Then why aren't these young women pressing charges? Date rape is hard to prove. Unlike other crimes, rape is underreported because of the powerful stigma associated with it, according to Nassrine Farhoody, executive director of The Rape Crisis Center of Central Massachusetts based in Worcester, in the October 27 issue of The Sunday Telegram.
"Unless the victim fits a very narrow window of who we're going to consider credible - [where] it's a random act where you don't know the perpetrator, where you're not dressing provocatively - the victim is automatically going to be blamed," Farhoody said. "I think that's the reason more people don't come forward. That's not something people want to put themselves through--where they become the person on trial."
Though these young women chose not to press charges, they still want to do what they can to keep it from happening to others, especially college freshmen. Though Heather feels that she didn't do anything unsafe by walking down the hall that one tragic night, she recommends that young women should really watch their alcohol consumption. She also feels that college freshmen should stay with a girlfriend to avoid dangerous situations.
Valerie also feels strongly about staying with people you know and trust. She realizes now how unsafe it was to get into a truck full of unfamiliar college males just to go to a party. "Just don't leave your friends anywhere unless you know they want to be left," she said.
"You might think that this is what college is all about, but you still have to have a brain."
Jill blames her situation on alcohol and recommends watching your drinking. When people are drinking, it is even more crucial that friends watch out for one another, she said. "Everything changes when you're drunk," Jill said. "You can't make decisions you would when sober. Then you get taken advantage of and wake up feeling like shit the next morning."
Katie Koestner, a young woman who was raped in 1990 by a man she had been dating as a freshman at The College of William and Mary, also has some advice. Koestner says it is important to remember these things: communicate, be sure that both parties consent to sex, take responsibility and respect one another. "I believe when you're drunk you deserve a hangover, not to be raped," she said. "You should be careful when you drink."
Acquaintance rape happens all the time and college freshmen have to realize that it can happen to them, said Dr. Elizabeth Stott, staff psychologist at the University of Richmond. "Young women should be responsible for themselves, especially at parties, and should use the buddy system," she said. "Beware of becoming isolated and trust your intuition. If things don't seem right, get out of the situation."
Heather did not even find out what horrible things had happened that night until mid-October, one and a half months after these two male freshman had taken advantage of her. A friend of Heather's had to tell her that they took turns having sex with her, that they put a lampshade on her head, that they wrote all over her face, and that they had an audience.